happy b'day to me *finally

Happy b'day to me..

Happy b'day to me..

Happy b'day, Happy b'day..

Happy b'day to me.........

Ga terasa udah setahun berlalu. Gue masih inget pas temen2 gue ngucapin b'day dan nanya " mau kado apa ? ". Rasanya itu bener2 baru terjadi kemaren. And hell yeah, semalem pas pas malem gue b'day, gue bilang ke housemate gue : " gue mau pake baju bagus ah. siapa tau ada yang dateng kasih surprise ". Meskipun gue tau itu nonsense. 2-3 jam sebelum 00.00 waktu malaysia, gue masih sempet chattingan sama Rama, childhood gue yang paling baik dan gebleg. Do'i sengaja chattingan sama gue biar do'i ga ngantuk dan pengen jadi yang pertama ngucapin. Sambil chatting - chattingan ga jelas gitu, gue juga chattingan sama kk gue. Walopun chattingan sama dia lebih ga jelas lagi. Kebanyakan kaburnya. And then, gue yang biasa nge-play lagu justin biebir, greenday dan paramore, langsung gue stop menjelang 23.50. Gue buka www.downloads.nl . Nyari lagu b'day. Eh dapet aja. Banyak sih, tapi ada satu lagu yang 'sreg' di gue. Tapi gue ga tau itu lagunya siapa. Dentingan gitarnya dan intro yang sloooowww banget bikin gue tambah sedih. Jam 00.59 temen-temen gue udah mulai ngucapin. Tanda merah -merah notification mulai bertambah. Gue udah mulai sibuk ngebalesin satu - satu dan juga mulai bingung dengan pertanyaan temen gue " mau kado apa? ". Eh, engga lama, roomate gue keluar kamar. Gue sih udah biasa banget ngautis sendirian dikamar. Tanpa harus bertanya, " Lo mau kemana ? ". And then, I heard they are singing while opened the door " Happy b'day ayuuuu.. Happy b'day ayuuuu ". Segera gue make a wish dan tiup lilin yang udah lumer beraaaatt. Gue dikasih chiffon cokelat dan diatasnya ada mainan anak kecil yang genduuuttt trus ada payungnya. Hahahaa.. Engga hanya itu, ada lagi yang menarik dan ini gue sukaaaaaaa banget banget banget ! Mereka kasih gue coca cola 3 botol besar ! damn, i really2 love it! 

Oh iya, lilin udah ditiup tapi belum dipotong. Pada kue pertama gue bingung mau kasih kesiapa. Bukan berarti rasa sayang gue ke mereka ga adil ya. Gue sayang semuanya tapi tentu aja mereka ga bisa gue suapin satu satu dengean serentak. Toh tangan gue cuma dua hehee.. Trus mereka pada bilang kue pertama buat papa. Yaaahh gue disitu cuma bilang " Papa, semoga cepet sembuh. I wish your surgery will be successful ". You know what ? I cried. Ini pertama kalinya dalam hidup gue, gue nangis di hari b'day gue. Kuenya gue makan sendiri dong karena buat bokap gue. Trus yang kedua buat nyokap, gue makan sendiri lagi :D nah yang ketiga dan seterusnya baru gue kasih ke housemate gue. Intan, Dea, Ina, Baby and also neighbor Kak Intan dan Kak Taiyo *Thanks yaaa udah mau dateng walopun udah tidur dan dibangunin lagi hehe* .

Okay, I sleep at 02.30 setelah gue rasa tangan gue udah hampir lumpuh bales balesin wall, sms, tweet yang akhirnya berhenti sejenak. Dan gue bangun lagi jam 7 pagi. Gue liat ada sms temen - temen gue , bokap, nyokap dan juga missed call. My mom called me but i didn't answer. And i replied to call me again but not yet call me. Yaudah gapapa deh, bokap gue juga tadi udah bilang di sms jam 8 ini operasinya dimulai. Mungkin mereka sibuk. Thanks dad, thanks mom.

Oncemore, really thanks to housemate :
Dea, Intan, Baby, Ina, Ve

Neighbor :
Kak Intan, Kak Taiyo

Boys :

Fakhri, Azka, Aan, Kak Guggy

And also my beloved bf, Yazeed alkhateeb :)

Thanks for all . I can't write one by one .

i miss you in every way

Hi strangers, as usual i wish you all in a good condition to read and meet me again :)

Well, 31 october 2009. It's mean 3 month ago and now almost 4 month, i move to here. It's too many memorize that i left. * tring * ( try to flash back ).

4 month ago, i just stay at home. I already finished my damn senior high school ( finally ). There's too many things that i get. And as long as i stayed at home, sometimes i had a quarrel with my father. Exactly, one month before i move to here, i feels so hate my father. And i can't wait for the momment to move here.  Time running fast. 2weeks before i move here, my father really - really so care with me ( i thought, because his daughter will left him ). Then i always went to everywhere, every place with my father. Until at the momment, only both of us at the car, while he drived. He told me : " daughter, now you already follow me and my activity to get money. It's just for you, for my children. I wish you can successful at there. And if you already success, may i take a money from you ? ".

Oh god.. I just answered my father answer with laughing face. I always did it if i don't know what should i do. 

" Hahaa.. it's okay paa.. i'll give you money and will give you everything that you want if i already get a successful ".

------------------------------

At the time when i went to here. My family read me a yassin. Wish me get successful in here. I didn't want to cry. I saw my mother, my brother and my sister. Again and again thinking and thinking about the memorize that already had done. It's the time we all grew up. And it's the time all the children of my parents choose the own way. We will get a future and we aren't together to reach it.

Until the time i will get my flight, my father cried and also my grand mother. Oh damn! What should i do ? I told to them and make sure that i will be alright.

-----------------------------

Now, after take a shower, i look my phone got a message. It's from my father. He told me that he will go to jakarta. To operate his eyes. Nobodies accompany him. 4 month ago, when he get sick, i always accompany him. My father told me, everybody at home all busy. So he will go to jakarta by himself. Dad, if i'm at there, if i'm in your side, exactly i wanna accompany you ! But i realize, i can't back home now.

I remembered all things that we've done. When i told a story about my family to my friends in here, the tittle is about you. Without i realized, i already spent my time with you. So many times. 

------------------------------------

I miss you, dad. I miss you, papa

I really really sorry for everything

Your daughter,

Take care and good night

i heart my new lomo

Hi strangers, how are you in these day ? I hope you all still enjoying your suck life, yea. Damn. I've new hobbies now. After i move to here ( Malaysia ), i don't have any gadget to take a picture anymore, beside camera phone. It just 3,2MP :( . That's why i missed my nikon d300 badly !

Okay, maybe 1 weeks ago, when me and my bf went to KL, i have an idea to buy a camera. But it's not a SLR or Digicam. It is LOMO. Yeah, it just a toys cam. But the result is so funny and i like it! We just need a roll of film and click. Doesn't matter the result. And it always make us wondering about the result. Alright, there are many type of lomo camera's. Actually i want an oktomat. But the stock is empty :( . I want buy a diana mini, but too expensive. I'm a bored person. I afraid, if i buy an expensive gadget, i'll get bore and the gadget will useless. Arrived at there, i went to pavilion on searching Mooks shop. I got it! As i told, oktomat stock is empty, so i bought POP9. It seems as oktomat. It has 9 lense. The different is : POP9 has a flash. Hmmmhh...

 

I bought it for RM: 156.00

( excluding film )

And the film. Asa800 limited edition, 25th year anniversary of lomography :

 

 

Too expensive : RM24.00

And last, the result :

 

 
( Click the picture to zoom in )

hahhahahaa i just put it on my plain room :)

I love to experiment and love to enjoying my new camera. I wish, i can take a picture better and make my room more beautiful ;) 

letter for my beloved friends

you'r my friend and that is true,
but the gift was given from me to you.
we went thru moments that were good and bad,
even moments that were happy and sad.
you supported me when i was in tears,
we stuck together when we were in fear,

its really sad that it had to be this way,
but it has reached its very last day.
miles away cant keep us apart,
'cause you'll always be in my heart.

I can't give solutions to all of life's problems, doubts,
or fears. But I can listen to you, and together we will
search for answers.

I can't change your past with all it's heartache and pain,
nor the future with its untold stories.
But I can be there now when you need me to care.

I can't keep your feet from stumbling.
I can only offer my hand that you may grasp it and not fall.

Your joys, triumphs, successes, and happiness are not mine;
Yet I can share in your laughter.

Your decisions in life are not mine to make, nor to judge;
I can only support you, encourage you,
and help you when you ask.

I can't prevent you from falling away from friendship,
                from your values, from me.
I can only pray for you, talk to you and wait for you.

I can't give you boundaries which I have determined for you,
But I can give you the room to change, room to grow,
room to be yourself.

I can't keep your heart from breaking and hurting,
But I can cry with you and help you pick up the pieces
and put them back in place.

I can't tell you who you are.
I can only love you and be your friend.

A Best Friend!
A friend that really cares!
All my secrets i can share!
There when i need a hand!
There to understand!

When i cry!
She will be by!
If i am away!
She will call me day by day!
If i need her at all!
She'll be there to stand tall!
Anything i say will be heard!
She will listen word by word!
If I am late!
She will open the gate!

As she looks in my eyes!
The sparkle she realize!
She is the one that cares!
And the one thats there!

That's a best Friend!

I prayed for you before we met,
Not knowing who you'd be.
I asked the Lord to send a friend.
One chosen just for me.

I asked that they'd be Godly,
With wisdom of His ways.
A friend to help and guide me
I the troubles of these days.

So often in life, we need someone
To listen while we talk.
Someone who will not condemn or judge,
But encourage us as we walk.
 
The narrow road we choose to follow
May sometimes make us stumble.
But to have a friend to catch our fall,
Teaches us to be humble.

When I asked the Lord to send a friend,
Though many came and went.
He gave much more than I ever asked,
For you are the friend He sent. 

Growing pains
Broken chains
A sad melody

Falling tears
Listening ears
A friend just for me

Reaching out
Sharing doubt
When life gets me down

Hands to clutch
Gentle touch
Can turn me around

Spoken words
Softly heard
Cognitivity

Holding tight
Loving light
Calm serenity

Hmmmhhh.. I don't know what should i write anymore. Friends, i'm sorry. 

ga ada judul

Hi strangers ! Apa kabar ? Gue lg males ber-english2 ria dan emang udah seharusnya gue tetep membudayakan bahasa Indonesia gue tercinta. Btw, gue sekarang lagi galau2nya. Kenapa? Yaaa.. atas pertanyaan yg akhir2 ini selalu ada di isi kepala gue. Tuhan yang menciptakan kita atau kita menciptakan tuhan ? I mean, it just a doctrin. Doktrin yang dibuat manusia beratus atau mungkin berabad2 tahun yang lalu, dan ditanemin didalam diri anak cucu manusia. Sehingga akhirnya jadi kepercayaan. Gue sih ga bisa ngejelasin lebih spesifik disini mengenai pemikiran gue ini. And then, selain masalah itu, gue juga ada pemikiran lain. Tapi ini sih lebih ke psikologi diri. Ini tentang gue dan tentang hidup gue, sekaligus pemikiran gue. Pengalaman emang ngajarin kita segalanya. Jujur, gue bosen buat selalu baik sm orang lain. Berarti gue ga ikhlas dong? Engga gitu juga ! Gue ikhlas, hanya aja gue capek buat baik. Kesalahan ada sama gue, bukan sama orang lain. Gue engga mau melibatkan orang lain dalam hidup gue. Gue engga mau menyalahkan orang lain yang ikut terlibat dalam proses 'pembentukan' jati diri gue. dan gue juga capek serta bosen mengeluh. Engga ada guna, engga ada hasil. Ini hidup gue, ini jalannya. Gue yang memilih, mikir dan mutusin. Gue capek buat selalu ngerasa sakit. Gue capek buat menaruh perasaan disetiap hal. Gue ini sociable tapi sebenernya anti-social. Gua engga tau sampe kapan sih benteng pertahanan diri gue bakal bertahan. Yang pasti, gue hanya percaya sama diri gue tentang semua yang gue jalani, gue pikirin, gue hadapin. Gue engga mau peduli dan ambil pusing lagi. Sudah cukup rasanya hidup gue di doktrin dan dirobotin. Nggak setuju ? Silahkan ambil alih buat ngehandle dan jalanin hidup gue kalo bisa.

life nowadays

Hi strangers ? How are you as long as i'm not write and posted something on my blogs ? I hope you all always happy wherever you are and keep stay tune to waiting for my news. Yeah, although now i don't have important things to i share, i still wanna write something that always haunted me for a last few days.

I realized, now i'm not kid anymore. I already grow up and can choose the choice by my self. I can thinking and doing everything that i feel it's true. Nowadays, my life is depend on my self. I can live in my life as i want. I can doing something that i'll  never thinking it before or doing something that i'll never do before. Everything is mine ! It's namely of freedom !

Is that a happy things ? Exactly ! I'll never found a freedom things as now before. Honestly, my life before is looks like a jail. BUT, i still have a risk. I still should thinking better and worst about something happen. Am i ? Can i controlled my self ? I SHOULD ! I have a god who always see me wherever i am. Oh yeah, i realized also. Now, i'm not looks like my self. I didn't know am i now is the real me or no . I can't choose and explain which one my true life and my soul. I changes all my pattern life. As i told : i just following my heart and brain. It's my own way. I can choose by my self and accepted all risk by my self. Ready or not yet. It's a life and my life. I should choose !

Hmmh.. If wanna talking about life, i think it won't ever stoppable. Okay, now i trying to back ward. Remembering my past. When i was i child, sibling as usual, always had a quarrel. Laughing and crying together. When we had  a quarrel the cried, both of us always wants one of us were gone. Yeah, it a past. We want a separated. But now, we all already grow up. We already have an own life. I far, my bro and sista' is far. We are all separated of different country. But, we still can't regreted. Because we already choosed. I choosed. You choosed.

And now, i realized. Togetherness is a quality time for me. It's a pricely momment. Although actually i still won't back to my country :D

Then, the important things are :

" WE  AREN'T KID ANYMORE AND NOW WE ALL SHOULD TRIED TO DO OUR BEST. GIVE OUR PARENT'S A PROVE THAT THEIR CHILDREN CAN GIVE A PRIDE "

: )

spirit and never give up for life

what happened in these days

hallo strangers, how are you ? how long i didn't post something in my blog ? yeah, my activity now is really - really stollen my times. anyway, many stories that i wanna share here actually. but, as usual. I FORGET! DOOOH! hmmm.. just remembering and repeat what have done in my life for these days :

my laptop is broken and blank.

now my laptop is in alor star. hp centre. and you know, how quietly my life without my beloved laptop. ouch, get well soon my laptop. i can't wait and patient to waiting for you come to me. 2weeks is soooo loooongggg !

lil' bit a quarrel with ayaz.

hoah !  it's so boring. as usual, he's moody and me too. so, for the time me and him just quiet and silent. we don't want to talk too much each others. now, everything already alright and he make me sure that he loves me. ;))

i've knowing the truth.

yeah, it's the point ! people who stab me in the back, people who lying on me, people who hypocrite on me. what the hell huh ?  I REALLY - REALLY hated ! if you don't like me, pleaseeeeee tell to me ! hmmhh.. it's so sick but not also. why i said like that ? because my feel is inclined to tired. i tired for this ? why ? why ? why ? it always random. repeat and repeat. i'm tireeeeeeeeeddd !!

doooh! what's the matter if you just talk honestly to me, huh ? what a problem ? what the hell ? what the hell is going on ?

i feel like; i wish a heaven but i get a hell. 

i just wish you all, STOPPED! and PLEASE to not make a gossip and believing something that actually you didn't know is that true or not! aaaahh.. unfortunately, i talk like this just to my blogger. just sharing. and the people who feels that people who i told here is them read this, they just silent. no voice. like a donkey. just only have a brave and mocking me in the back.

PLEASE : IF YOU WANNA JUDGE ME, MAKE A SURE BEFORE IS THE GOSSIP TRUE OR NOT! THINKING WHAT THE PEOPLE THAT YOU'VE GOSSIPIN' FEELING ! DON'T BE ARROGANT ! BECAUSE YOU AREN'T LIVE IN THIS WORLD ALONE !!