Monday, 23 June 2014

Life will never get easier, it just us who get stronger

There were a moment where i thought i couldn't stay any longer with family. Everything has rules that i couldn't broke it. And eventho i was surrounded by many people, i still felt alone. At that time.

Then, almost 5 years ago, my life really begun.

I moved out to city, to country that i never been before. I mean, i visited this country just for holiday, not for staying and starting my life. But that was just how my life. I, you, we couldn't ever predict what will happen the next eventho just the next five minutes.

Here, almost 5 years.
I have through bad and good things. Not even bad, the worst. Where the lowest point of my life and the best thing in my life happened. I met a lot of kind of people and friends, who taught me everything.
Many people come and go. And i realized, i have missed a lot of things about my family.
I ain't longer there, with them. Whenever it has an occasion, my family member uploading the photo's or video's to social media's, i found me.... Not in every pictures.

I was here, stand still watching them through my 2 years iPad, gifted by my dad.
And thinking, i wish i could be there. But, i couldn't. I hold them back, all of my feeling. After all, this is my decision to moved out to where i belonged.

It just kind of sad, where you are living alone and a loneliness is your friend. The only friend that you have. That is the only option that you have. Because i have no better option.

My home kinda mess of lots of things. I thought that it is not a girl home HAHA
The saddest things are where i have to cook a lot of things, not for me and friends. But it was for me. My self. Three times meal for a day. So i wouldn't cook anymore. Re-heat the food will be fine.

And i keep talking to my self about this and that. Just like there were friends with me. Eventho i realized, it just me there.

Life will never get easier, it just us who get stronger.
if no one cheer me up in any situation, at least i have my self to lean on. I shouldn't give up for any situation of life.

Home, just can't wait to see you within few days. Before i have to continue my journey of life again in here or in other countries :)

Wednesday, 11 June 2014

We Are Dead...

Dear You,

There are a lot of things that i am sure you are complaints about me,
I know that right.
I am not a perfect lady as you imagine.
I am not.

There are a lot of story that you never know about me,
not even noticed.
Don't you?

This lady who always smile actually have a really bad temper.
Now you know that, right?
This lady who always surviving, at the end could leaving.
You feel that, right?

After all,
The sweetest words that we ever said would be the bitter memory ever.
No more the smile whenever we see the moon
Not even care if it's full of half
Not even care if it's bright or not
All we know just,
Our love looks like perfect from afar
But actually it was not
It was not perfect at all
It was broken in everywhere

You said that i am the sweetest
But don't you know even the sweetest thing can hurt you?
The sweetest is not the best
It is the truly poison
And i am poisoning you
Your life

We are dead....