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you'r my friend and that is true,
but the gift was given from me to you.
we went thru moments that were good and bad,
even moments that were happy and sad.
you supported me when i was in tears,
we stuck together when we were in fear,

its really sad that it had to be this way,
but it has reached its very last day.
miles away cant keep us apart,
'cause you'll always be in my heart.

I can't give solutions to all of life's problems, doubts,
or fears. But I can listen to you, and together we will
search for answers.

I can't change your past with all it's heartache and pain,
nor the future with its untold stories.
But I can be there now when you need me to care.

I can't keep your feet from stumbling.
I can only offer my hand that you may grasp it and not fall.

Your joys, triumphs, successes, and happiness are not mine;
Yet I can share in your laughter.

Your decisions in life are not mine to make, nor to judge;
I can only support you, encourage you,
and help you when you ask.

I can't prevent you from falling away from friendship,
                from your values, from me.
I can only pray for you, talk to you and wait for you.

I can't give you boundaries which I have determined for you,
But I can give you the room to change, room to grow,
room to be yourself.

I can't keep your heart from breaking and hurting,
But I can cry with you and help you pick up the pieces
and put them back in place.

I can't tell you who you are.
I can only love you and be your friend.

A Best Friend!
A friend that really cares!
All my secrets i can share!
There when i need a hand!
There to understand!

When i cry!
She will be by!
If i am away!
She will call me day by day!
If i need her at all!
She'll be there to stand tall!
Anything i say will be heard!
She will listen word by word!
If I am late!
She will open the gate!

As she looks in my eyes!
The sparkle she realize!
She is the one that cares!
And the one thats there!

That's a best Friend!

I prayed for you before we met,
Not knowing who you'd be.
I asked the Lord to send a friend.
One chosen just for me.

I asked that they'd be Godly,
With wisdom of His ways.
A friend to help and guide me
I the troubles of these days.

So often in life, we need someone
To listen while we talk.
Someone who will not condemn or judge,
But encourage us as we walk.
 
The narrow road we choose to follow
May sometimes make us stumble.
But to have a friend to catch our fall,
Teaches us to be humble.

When I asked the Lord to send a friend,
Though many came and went.
He gave much more than I ever asked,
For you are the friend He sent. 

Growing pains
Broken chains
A sad melody

Falling tears
Listening ears
A friend just for me

Reaching out
Sharing doubt
When life gets me down

Hands to clutch
Gentle touch
Can turn me around

Spoken words
Softly heard
Cognitivity

Holding tight
Loving light
Calm serenity

Hmmmhhh.. I don't know what should i write anymore. Friends, i'm sorry. 

Hi strangers ! Apa kabar ? Gue lg males ber-english2 ria dan emang udah seharusnya gue tetep membudayakan bahasa Indonesia gue tercinta. Btw, gue sekarang lagi galau2nya. Kenapa? Yaaa.. atas pertanyaan yg akhir2 ini selalu ada di isi kepala gue. Tuhan yang menciptakan kita atau kita menciptakan tuhan ? I mean, it just a doctrin. Doktrin yang dibuat manusia beratus atau mungkin berabad2 tahun yang lalu, dan ditanemin didalam diri anak cucu manusia. Sehingga akhirnya jadi kepercayaan. Gue sih ga bisa ngejelasin lebih spesifik disini mengenai pemikiran gue ini. And then, selain masalah itu, gue juga ada pemikiran lain. Tapi ini sih lebih ke psikologi diri. Ini tentang gue dan tentang hidup gue, sekaligus pemikiran gue. Pengalaman emang ngajarin kita segalanya. Jujur, gue bosen buat selalu baik sm orang lain. Berarti gue ga ikhlas dong? Engga gitu juga ! Gue ikhlas, hanya aja gue capek buat baik. Kesalahan ada sama gue, bukan sama orang lain. Gue engga mau melibatkan orang lain dalam hidup gue. Gue engga mau menyalahkan orang lain yang ikut terlibat dalam proses 'pembentukan' jati diri gue. dan gue juga capek serta bosen mengeluh. Engga ada guna, engga ada hasil. Ini hidup gue, ini jalannya. Gue yang memilih, mikir dan mutusin. Gue capek buat selalu ngerasa sakit. Gue capek buat menaruh perasaan disetiap hal. Gue ini sociable tapi sebenernya anti-social. Gua engga tau sampe kapan sih benteng pertahanan diri gue bakal bertahan. Yang pasti, gue hanya percaya sama diri gue tentang semua yang gue jalani, gue pikirin, gue hadapin. Gue engga mau peduli dan ambil pusing lagi. Sudah cukup rasanya hidup gue di doktrin dan dirobotin. Nggak setuju ? Silahkan ambil alih buat ngehandle dan jalanin hidup gue kalo bisa.

Hi strangers ? How are you as long as i'm not write and posted something on my blogs ? I hope you all always happy wherever you are and keep stay tune to waiting for my news. Yeah, although now i don't have important things to i share, i still wanna write something that always haunted me for a last few days.

I realized, now i'm not kid anymore. I already grow up and can choose the choice by my self. I can thinking and doing everything that i feel it's true. Nowadays, my life is depend on my self. I can live in my life as i want. I can doing something that i'll  never thinking it before or doing something that i'll never do before. Everything is mine ! It's namely of freedom !

Is that a happy things ? Exactly ! I'll never found a freedom things as now before. Honestly, my life before is looks like a jail. BUT, i still have a risk. I still should thinking better and worst about something happen. Am i ? Can i controlled my self ? I SHOULD ! I have a god who always see me wherever i am. Oh yeah, i realized also. Now, i'm not looks like my self. I didn't know am i now is the real me or no . I can't choose and explain which one my true life and my soul. I changes all my pattern life. As i told : i just following my heart and brain. It's my own way. I can choose by my self and accepted all risk by my self. Ready or not yet. It's a life and my life. I should choose !

Hmmh.. If wanna talking about life, i think it won't ever stoppable. Okay, now i trying to back ward. Remembering my past. When i was i child, sibling as usual, always had a quarrel. Laughing and crying together. When we had  a quarrel the cried, both of us always wants one of us were gone. Yeah, it a past. We want a separated. But now, we all already grow up. We already have an own life. I far, my bro and sista' is far. We are all separated of different country. But, we still can't regreted. Because we already choosed. I choosed. You choosed.

And now, i realized. Togetherness is a quality time for me. It's a pricely momment. Although actually i still won't back to my country :D

Then, the important things are :

" WE  AREN'T KID ANYMORE AND NOW WE ALL SHOULD TRIED TO DO OUR BEST. GIVE OUR PARENT'S A PROVE THAT THEIR CHILDREN CAN GIVE A PRIDE "

: )

spirit and never give up for life

hallo strangers, how are you ? how long i didn't post something in my blog ? yeah, my activity now is really - really stollen my times. anyway, many stories that i wanna share here actually. but, as usual. I FORGET! DOOOH! hmmm.. just remembering and repeat what have done in my life for these days :

my laptop is broken and blank.

now my laptop is in alor star. hp centre. and you know, how quietly my life without my beloved laptop. ouch, get well soon my laptop. i can't wait and patient to waiting for you come to me. 2weeks is soooo loooongggg !

lil' bit a quarrel with ayaz.

hoah !  it's so boring. as usual, he's moody and me too. so, for the time me and him just quiet and silent. we don't want to talk too much each others. now, everything already alright and he make me sure that he loves me. ;))

i've knowing the truth.

yeah, it's the point ! people who stab me in the back, people who lying on me, people who hypocrite on me. what the hell huh ?  I REALLY - REALLY hated ! if you don't like me, pleaseeeeee tell to me ! hmmhh.. it's so sick but not also. why i said like that ? because my feel is inclined to tired. i tired for this ? why ? why ? why ? it always random. repeat and repeat. i'm tireeeeeeeeeddd !!

doooh! what's the matter if you just talk honestly to me, huh ? what a problem ? what the hell ? what the hell is going on ?

i feel like; i wish a heaven but i get a hell. 

i just wish you all, STOPPED! and PLEASE to not make a gossip and believing something that actually you didn't know is that true or not! aaaahh.. unfortunately, i talk like this just to my blogger. just sharing. and the people who feels that people who i told here is them read this, they just silent. no voice. like a donkey. just only have a brave and mocking me in the back.

PLEASE : IF YOU WANNA JUDGE ME, MAKE A SURE BEFORE IS THE GOSSIP TRUE OR NOT! THINKING WHAT THE PEOPLE THAT YOU'VE GOSSIPIN' FEELING ! DON'T BE ARROGANT ! BECAUSE YOU AREN'T LIVE IN THIS WORLD ALONE !!

what should i share tonite ?

 it's 02.01 am and i'm not yet sleep. yeah, as usual i always like this. it's insomnia ? maybe. exactly, i'm not insomnia as long as i stay here, that's all already happened when i'm still in indonesia. i just wanna share lil' story about me here. i'm here really really free. but it doesn't means that i'm in my part of freedom life. no, not like that. freedom in here it's for thinking and doing. manner. i can do everything that i thinking is right, and doing everything that i thinking is true. just realized by our self. is that true or not. bad or good and best way or worst. but, i love to be here. my sickness and happiness, i feel by my self. just smile and cry alone here. but no more cry, 'cause to be here is i'm choose and the my choise. no more regret in my life. 

actually i'm affraid to meet something new. why ? because i'll leave it if the time is coming. and i will feel sad again. yeah, it's a life. a reality. meet new, leave it. meet new, leave it. random and repeat like that. love life like sick hurt broken give up rise meet interest and back to love again. 

it's a life. is that just a game ?

yang paling menyakitkan buat gue sekarang ialah :
" ketika gue mencintai seseorang, seseorang itu sudah pergi bersama dgn orang yang lain"

gue benci untuk menyesal, dan tersenyum disaat gue pengen nangis.
tapi airmata itu ga ada.
karena gue sadar kalo gue emg ga berhak nangis, gue bukan siapa2 dia.
gue benci buat ngeliat dia berjalan berdampingan dengan orang lain.
dan dia terlihat sangat bahagia.

gue bahagia dan rela kalo dia bahagia dengannya,

tapi yg bikin gue lebih bersyukur adalah:
" gue udah pernah melalui hari hari gue sama2 dia.."

walopun hanya beberapa hari