backward or forward life

Life : must step backward ?

or, FORWARD ?

hopefully and praying..

to found some love in our heart

happiness in the loneliness

protect the world.. make a peace

to enjoying the life
be a childish or a mature life ?
choose it :
step backward ,or
step forward ?
for your happy or unhappy life !

picture

not anymore !

kadang gue menyesal,
ketika gue bilang :
" gue sayang lo "
" gue bakalan berusaha melindungi lo "
" gue akan berusaha mencintai lo "
" gue ga akan buat lo menangis "
" gue bangga sama lo "

yes.
a PRIDE !

sekarang yang gue sadari,
ya benar. gue akan tetap menyayangi.
ya benar. gue akan tetap melindungi.
ya benar. gue akan tetap mencintai.
ya benar. gue akan tetap berusaha ga buat lo menangis.
tapi NO, untuk gue bangga sama lo.

gue benci ketika seseorang yang gue sayang,
sebenernya membutuhkan gue.
tapi dia merendahkan gue.
seolah olah gue-lah yang membutuhkan dia.
seolah-olah gue yang mengemis sama dia.

gue tahu,
gue posting-posting ini kadang buat dia besar kepala.
tapi dia harus tahu.
kalo gue akan berusaha untuk selalu TULUS.
mungkin ketika sesorang itu baca,
mungkin dia bakal nyadarinnya,
atau justru enggak.
apakah itu karena egonya ?
entahlah..

gue hanya berusaha jujur.
apa adanya.
dan gue berusaha untuk be a sincere person.
meskipun orang itu nyakitin gue.
tapi juga ga ,
buat membanggakannya kembali.
i'm not.
not anymore !

trash

gue bingung mau ngepost apa.
sepertinya ada sesuatu yang mau gue posting,
berhubung terlalu lama terendap dikepala, jadinya gue lupa.
apa ya ?
apa ?
apa ?
apa ?
susah kalo udah lupa.
selalu lupa.
menguap hilang begitu saja.
seandainya masalah gue bisa seperti ini.
menguap, hilang dan lupa.
mungkin gue akan bahagia.
sayangnya gue selalu lupa untuk hal yang salah.


oh iya,
gue lagi deactive facebook.
gue udah muak banget sama facebook beserta isinya
gue udah ga tau lagi berapa banyak 'friend' yang gue remove
bahkan gue block
gue muak banget sama mereka mereka itu.
jangan sampe gue menemukan mereka bermain di twitter.
sumpah, itu bakal menjadi sampah kalo terjamah oleh mereka.

gue juga lagi pusing pusingnya untuk urusan kuliah gue
malaysia atau palembang ?
jujur, gue masih punya banyak urusan dan tanggung jawab dipalembang
tapi gue pengen banget meninggalkan semuanya dan memulai yang baru di malaysia
tapi apakah dengan gue tinggalin, semua masalah bakalan selesai ?
sepertinya masalah itu akan tetap terbang kemana mana tanpa ada penyelesaian.

gue menyesal mengenal mereka
jika membunuh itu bukanlah dosa,
jika membunuh itu tidak ada hukuman,
jika membunuh itu diperbolehkan di indonesia,
dan jika indonesia seperti jepang,
gue sudah pasti telah membunuh mereka !
tapi sayangnya,
gue tahu agama gue melarang itu.
gue tahu membunuh itu dihukum.
gue tahu gue tinggal diindonesia bukan di jepang .

dan tentu saja, gue ga bakal menyentuh mereka mereka itu duluan dengan tangan gue.
tapi jika mereka duluan berani menyentuh saya dengan tangan mereka yang nista,
sudah pasti akan saya bertindak.
maaf saja, gue ga selevel dengan mereka.
manusia yang berusaha meninggikan derjat mereka,
tetapi mereka hanyalah mereka.
mereka adalah sampah !

best friend

that's us. how it's roll..
my best who i found when i'm in senior high school.
last time, i know who's the best.
THEY ARE :)

i leave the fake friends before
yeah FAKE
cause i found the REAL friends.
riska and niken

goodbye riska.. we would meet again
take care in there :)

childhood never ending

me, tari and oki @ jakabaring 1st day ( 21-07-09 )

me, biya and eka . best childhood forever :)
( 2nd day @PIM - PH )

. eka .
alay baru nihh
hahahahahahaa :))


i love them
my best ever and after
thx for the memorries
: )

inspiring and influencing me

3 woman who inspiring me :
- mom :
someone who be pregnant of me, told me the 1st words, teach me a life until i've growing up as my self and would be mature .
- ka intan :
she's just ( an ) ordinary girl but she's not I think . she's someone who giving me a lot, many, much support with her advice. she teach me knowledge of life when I was teens ( as now ), she teach me about life, and she teach everything that i've never known before. as a breath and a blood in the arthery. yeah, how much i've obligation with her .
last, why i've adored her so much : everything what I told about her, she's doesn't care as she never heard :D
that's why I really really adored with stiff and mature person as her . she's influencing 70% of my life .
- ka nanda :
brain, beauty, behaviour . 1st time I meet her and until now. in past, i've regards her as my best friend. but as long as time walking, i've known her well. and last I know, she's justn't my best but also my best sista..
gave me some advice and sometimes doing stupid share. yeah although that's all have done last year before she's gone. i've and will pride of you .
last, I would tell how much I love them. for everythings. for everylife and laugh .
: )

insomnia-c

nite to nite walking,
time to time so fastly,
just heard many songs,
playing with gadget,
writing blogs,
stories of my life.
post an publish it.
i'm not sleep at nite,
not too at the morning.
concave eyes and weaks body.
but I didn't care .
i do that just because wants make my heart feel so free
i'm searching for the way but i'm not yet found it .
i just fakes as long as I can.
hiding the truth,
until feel so sick.
i don't wants to cutting the artery too,
it's sound so scare .
i would do that actually,
but i'm not.

i just wants sleep and sleep all day and all nite.
then not wake up anymore.
i'll feel so free if it's all become true.
and of course happily ever after, I think.
but, it's not .
just my fool think.

f o r e v e r SORE

Tell me of your betrayal

the ecstasy of your lies

you broke your promise

your now dead, in my eyes

Do you really gain pleasure

from the hell you put me through?

Do you get a hard on

from being so un-true?

You told me you loved me

i believed your fradulent stories

So,stomping on my broken heart

would give you some sick, pleasurable glory?

I thought you were different for once,a fairytale come true!

but I suppose that was only in my head

All those times i trusted you

but i was only being mis-lead

down a path of destruction

just like before

so, i hope now you're happy

you've left my heart tattered,
Forever Sore.

why and because

1. why i scared if people who i love , leaving me although they leaves me cause some important things ?

- because, i'm scared the people would be different human . not as like i know as usual.

2. why i love leaving some people who loves me ?

- because, i'm scared the people over loves me and can't make me free

3. why i'm affraid if some one told me that they hopefully of me ?

- because, i'm afraid if i make them dissappointed

4. why i'm affraid if everyone prides of me ?

- because i'm nobody who could priding

5. why i write like this ?

-because, i want to told you how scare me about all and everything who i scared.

ending

i've tired
but i can't cried
can not resting my eye
and resting my mind

everything i think is gone
and absolutely ever be my mine
i would they come back
and leave me alone

i will fly
and flying half of my heart
half of my breath
and full of my soul

i would die
if i clear
doesn't have any problem again
doesn't have any things at the world, again
to i finished .

exactly,
i don't know what i write
i don't know what the mean
this is the sore
sore head
sore heart

i will break it if i can
i will throw it if i can
i will close my eye and mind
if i can
not for temporary rest
but forever rest

my life..
the old memories was showing up in my brain
as a circle walking
slowly sometimes fastly
am i dreaming ?
am i imaginating ?

punch my heart
and bang my mind
and then ..........
bruk !
i don't know what happened anymore.


then i know,
the life's is end.