what they called soulmate

I see you standing there
Watching you breathing my air
Holding hands with someone else
Feel this love that I bare

Why you said your love to me won't ever die
When you know that it's only a lie
Why you made me trust
That it's love, not a lust
Days were gone, I'm still standing on

(Chorus)
To love you is something that true
No one can tell me that's what I can't do
To want you forever just you
To loose the thirst drink the water from you
Don't wanna deny our faith
We are what they call soulmate
The promise we made

They tell me the love we had
Shouln't happen by any reason
But to feel once your love
Making my life more complete

Cause you said your love to me won't ever die
When you know that it's only a lie
You made me trust
Love, not a lust
Days were gone, Still standing on

(Repeat chorus)

If i could do anything to show that i need you
There's so many reasons i could never end baby
I wanna show the whole world of how you once loved me
I don't wanna cry no more feeling this love
wasted by you

(Repeat chorus)

by: Agnes Monica

nonsense

Hi stangers, whatcu up to ?

Im in KL now, since perlis got flood, im evacuating my self to here.

Btw, my bf now in KL. He gotta move here. Well, we will be have a long distance relationship. Im not really mind it actually. Hmmmhh.. Idk  what i wanna write. what i wanna post. All is blank in my mind.

You know, i really pain and plain. Seems like i have many things to talk, but it just stuck on my mind. i rather choose to keep it then i spit it out.

I hate to be like this. I hate everything.

I just pretend that i love everything. And pretend that everything alright. Although i know actually there many thing to fix. I hate to say that everything perfect, and i know it's a lie.

Puhlease. My blogs really dont make a sense. NONSENSE. BIG NONSENSE.

TRASH !

story about 'MS'

Hai strangers, how are you in these day? Sorry for leaving my blogs for couple month. I'm totally busy with every university suck lifes. Everythings happen in here. And the last of this month, 31 oct 2010 is my and our 1st anniversary in here. When we moved from our beloved country, start a new life, and got this suck life. I wish a halloween party actually but it's impossible eh? HAHAHAHAAAA --nuts

But yeah, it's how the lifes roll. Rolling up, rolling down,rolling left, rolling right, rolling eyes :D Oh okay okay, it's too much. I love to be here, i meet something new, i meet a new friends, family, housemate, boyfriend and another some.

You know, i've a one thing that i really love and one thing that it's really my big secret.

But i just let 'someone' to know about it, and i really love.

Okay, lemme write about 'My Someone' (MS)

'My someone' is really mysterious. And i really really really daaaamnnn in love with 'MS'. It's really deep and idk just starring 'MS' with everything that 'MS' do, already make me happy. Ikr, i do like a stupid person. Just make sure 'MS' okay, it's enough for me.

By the way, actually i try to forget 'MS'. I thought i was wrong in it. But what can i do? i really falling love and.....please, im okay to give all my life to 'MS'.

We did everything together, laugh, cry, share, and anything.

One day, when i was in my progress to forget 'MS', 'MS' talked about something that i knew actually 'MS' just kidding on me. But it's really hurt me, you know why? Because i'm still in progress to forget and everything that happens will really touch my sensitive heart.

Then, i just silent. I know, it was my fault. 'MS'didn't mean to actually. 

Mmhh.. yesterday, my heart really broken to many pieces.

'MS' was crying, and crying on my shoulder. And my 'MS' told me a big secret that it was really really really really hurt me :'(

Pleaseeeeeeee heeellllpppppppp ! I can't hold it anymore. But what should i do?

I just can smile, and smile. Support you in every way as long as you happy. 

Dear My someone..

You're really special for me.

I love you and it's really damn much.

I knew, we will never be together.

But the togetherness that we have done are really meaningful to me.

I love you

I love you

I love you

I really really really really really like yooooouuu..

Whatever people said about you.

it was me !

Hi strangers, what's you up to? 

Hmh, i really felt so bad. I really lost every feel in my heart. I dont know how to interest, like, love, and care anymore. I really feel so pain. Painful.  I just feeling so hate about everything. Fragile. I always feel, i ready to lose anything. I'm ready and i'm okay. 

Today i read a tweets:

@ FaktanyaAdalah: # the fact that the man who likes to hurt women is a man who could never appreciate his mother

Not just a man actually, me to as a woman. Sometimes we are failed. Always hurt man's heart although actually we didn't mean to. I just wanna write here, that i dont have any love anymore. Not just for you, but also for everythings in my live, and my self. I'm sorry, it was not your fault, it was me.

I WANT DISSAPEAR !

i love you at this momment

Hai strangers, apa kabar ? Gue galau tapi gue cukup lega sekarang. 

Gue galau karena dia terlihat berubah dan aneh. Tapi lega, karena gue udah bilang sama dia tentang hal terberat yang gue ga bisa bilang sebenernya.

Gue tau. Ini rasanya absurd banget. Gue mencintai orang lain disaat gue udah ada seseorang yang jelas cinta mati sama gue.

Meskipun gue juga harus jujur, gue ga tega menghianati dia.

Gue ga nembak dia. Gue hanya bilang. Ini sulit. Sulit banget buat gue buat jujur ke dia.

Lo tau berapa banyak tulisan yang gue tulis tentang dia ? Lo tau berapa besar sayang gue ke dia ? Lo tau seberapa pengorbanan gue kedia? Dan lo tau betapa sakitnya gue saat gue tau dia udah jadi milik orang lain. Tapi lebih sakit lagi ketika gue tau, orang lain yang dia cintai ternyata menyakiti dia. Ketika dia menangis dibahu gue. Dan menghibur dia.

Saat itu gue tersadar lagi. Rasa cinta gue yang dulu mulai memudar karena gue tau gue salah jatuh cinta lagi dan lagi, sekarang muncul lagi. Gue semakin mencintai dia dan cinta gue ini semakin dalam.

Setiap malam gue menulis apa yang terjadi antara gue dan dia. Apapun. Gue ga mau melewatkan satu kenanganpun tentang dia. 

Gue tau ini ga seharusnya terjadi. Lo siapa, gue siapa. Dan sekarang gue udah jalan dengan siapa. Gue udah cukup sakit menyimpan rasa ini. Tapi cukup bahagia untuk keberanian gue mengungkapkannya.

Lo tetep sama saja akhirnya, seperti seolah ga dengar apa yang gue bilang.

Gue seneng ga ada perubahan yang berarti antara gue dan elo. Hanya aja gue ngerasa lo beda hari ini ?

Ada apa sayang ?

Maaf gue emang bener - bener bukan orang yang diharapkan. Gue bukan siapa - siapa. Bahkan bisa dibilang cinta gue ke elo ini adalah cinta yang salah. Gue lagi - lagi salah dan terjatuh ke lubang yang sama. Gue capek sebenernya begini. Sakit dengan keadaan yang terus menerus seperti ini. 

Biarlah. Biarlah kita sama - sama tau. Biarlah gue menahan rasa ini semuanya. Gue sayang banget sama lo. Dan lo juga tau itu. Sampe buat nge-close last chat antara gue sama lo aja gue ga mau. Betapa banyaknya foto lo yang gue save dan betapa banyaknya yang gue upload. Betapa banyaknya pula notes notes tentang lo yang gue tuliskan di notepad, blogs, ataupun hati gue sendiri. Betapa addicted nya gue tentang lo !

i love you, at this momment

im nobody

Hai strangers, apa kabar? gue ga mau ber english-english ria hari ini. Gue lagi galau banget. Dan sakit sesakit-sakitnya. Ini bukan sakit yang nampak dan bisa diobati dengan obat dokter. Gue sakit hati. Mental gue sakit. Mungkin gue terdengar cupu. Tapi terserah. Gue ga peduli.

Okay, gue mulai.

Gue emang bukan anak dari orang yang tajirrrr banget sejagat raya. Tapi alhamdulillah bokap gue mampu nyekolahin gue, kakak - kakak gue bahkan adik - adik gue sampe sekarang.

Gue juga bukan anak yang jenius banget kayak einstein. Atau siapapun yang sekali denger langsung bisa nangkep materi pelajaran.

Gue juga bukan orang yang punya sense humor dengan benar. Kadang gue bercanda kelewatan, bahkan kakak gue juga sebel sama gue.

Malah katanya gue ini dulu mau dibuang, gara2 nyokap gue udah kelebihan punya anak. Tapi karena gue udah berusia 3bulan dikandungan, jadinya gue ga jadi dibuang.

Gue ga mengharapkan apa apa dari hidup dan kehidupan gue yang biasa ini.

Gue hanya mau dihargai. Itu udah cukup. Sayangnya, engga ada yang mau menghargai gue.

Sepertinya, gue ini udah terlalu sering ga menghargai orang sampe ga ada yang mau menghargai gue.

Gue ga pernah ngebully adek junior gue dulu waktu sekolah. Mereka mau ber elo-gue sama gue juga gapapa. 

Gue hanya pengen hidup yang tenang.

Gue berusaha buat baik buat siapapun, meskipun gue tau kadang karena gue baik sama orang justru ngebuat gue sakit sendiri.

Terlampau baik, gue engga pernah dihargai.

Gue ini manusia loh, teman.

Gue bahagiaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa banget bisa kenal sm kalian.

Hidup sama kalian.

Jadi bagian kalian.

Serumah sama kalian.

Gue ga pernah nganggep kalian itu cuman sekedar teman. Apalagi antara junior - dan senior.

Sebisa mungkin, kalian sakit, gue juga sakit.

Gue selalu berusaha melakukan yang terbaik buat kalian.

Gue selalu berusaha mengalah, meski gue tau gue paling kecil dirumah ini.

dan gue ga ada apa apanya. Bahkan bukan siapa siapa.

Gue inget banget waktu salah satu dari kalian bilang :

" kalo lo serumah sama kita, kalo lo perlu nanya apa-apa. bisa nanya2 ke kita "

Tapi nyatanya apa?

Sekedar untuk mengajari otak gue yang udah lumpuh ini pun sulit.

Gue cuma pengen gue berhasil, dan meraih mimpi- mimpi gue.

Engga ngecewain bokap nyokap gue yang menaruh banyak harapan ke gue.

Gue pengen ngebuktiin ke mereka -mereka yang pernah meremehkan gue.

Itu aja harapan gue sama kalian.

Tapi nyatanya, harapan gue itu seperti ga pernah terwujud.

Gue bukan siapa - siapa

Gue rela kalian babuin asal kalian bahagia.

Apa itu kurang cukup ?

Apa mesti masa lalu terulang lagi?

Gue capek. Gue bener bener capek.

Gue pengen hidup yang lebih baik, tuhaaaaaaaannnnnn !

Tapi apa gue bisa melakukan sesuatu?

Lagi - lagi jawabannya engga.

Karena gue bukan siapa - siapa.

dan lagi lagi gue ga bisa mengharapkan bantuan siapapun.

Gue mesti bersusah payah berusaha sendiri.

dear my beloved friends, my housemates

i really love to be your friends

i always try to always be nice be with you

although i know,

you'll never always wanna be my friends

and you'll never feel nice to be with me.

big smile from deep of my heart,

i wish you'll never know about this friends

excuser

je suis désolé, je suis mensonge. Je suis désolé pour chaque cigarette que j'ai fumé.

Je suis désolé d'être menti sur vous. Je suis désolé pour tous. à tous.

Je suis désolé de mon plus profond du cœur. Je sais que tu ne m'a jamais permis. et j'ai promis de stop.

i suis désolé je n'ai toujours que, jusqu'à présent.

Je ne peux pas arrêter pour l'instant. J'essaie itry et toujours essayer. et je suis encore sur vous que je l'ai déjà arrêté