He love me but he don't know me

Hai stranger, i was shocked yesterday. I had a big quarrel and fight with my bf. I was mad of him. Maybe you think it's too funny and i told a lie story. But i'm not. It's true ! Well, you can laugh if you wanna laugh.

Me and my bf already have a relationship more than 3 month. And you know yesterday (16/3) we've a class in the lab. He brought his laptop and me still used lab computer. He told me to use his laptop but i'm not. I'm too tired to move to another pc. Then he sat behind me. We are silent and still focus to our workself. Suddenly, he told me to open his first fb account. He has two account of fb and he closed his fb account because the 1st fb ever made us quarrel. He told me that he removed already friends in his fb except his arabic friends. Then he asked me, is he need to add me as his friend again? I told to him " No, you aren't needed me in your 1st account and i'm not needed many fb account of you ". He still forced me to add me. I told no and he STILL FORCED me. Until i'm gave up then i said " okay, add me ". 

You know, it's the started of all quarrel. When he wanna typed my name on searched box, he asked me about my name. FUCK ! YOU DON'T KNOW MY NAME ,DUDE ? WE ALREADY HAD A RELATIONSHIP FOR MORE THAN 3 MONTH AND NOW YOU ASKED ME WHOSE MY NAME ?!

He knew me , but he can't wrote my name. Okay, maybe my name is too difficulted for him. BUT, i'm his girlfriend. Hellooooooo... If i were him, although i'm an asean girl and arabic name heard so starnge in my ears, I WILL TRY TO REMEMBER AND CAN WRITE HIS NAME. BECAUSE HE IS MY BF! I was shocked ! At the time i also opened my fb and he tried to look my fb page. I scrolled down to hide my name. My full name. He logged out his fb and he wanna open his 2nd account. I asked him " What do you wanna do? looking my name on your 2nd fb ? ". He answered me " Yeah ". Spontaneus, i laughed. He laughed. And my friends around me laughed. We all laughed. Then my laughed changes to cry. I felt so hate. He silent and he tried to apologize. I just cried on my silent. He hugged me and still whisped me to tell that he's wrong. It's too sick to knew that he didn't know me although it just a full name. He still whisp me " sayang, i'm sorry. i know you. please forgive me " . I told to him " You don't know me and don't touch me ! ". He still sat behind me, hugged me and holded my hand while whisped in my ears. 30 minutes later, he is gone and when he back, he brought a tissue. I threw away the tissue. And i threw his phone *Nowadays, i'm still borrowed his cellphone*. I changed my relationship status on fb and i deactived my account. He still whisped me and told " sayang, you can't do like this. i can't call you if you do like this. pleaseeeee ". HELL YOU ! WHAT DID YOU CARE ABOUT ME ? EVEN JUST NAME, FULL NAME, YOU DIDN'T KNOW !

Last nite, i've a chat with one of my bf. Kak tia. She gave me a song to imagine how is my condition.

Let me go

One more kiss could be the best thing
Or one more lie could be the worst
And all these thoughts are never resting
And your not something I deserve

In my head there's only you now
This world falls on me
In this world there's real and make believe
And this seems real to me
And you love me but you don't know who I am
I'm torn between this life I lead and where I stand
And you love me but you don't know who I am
So let me go, let me go

I dream ahead to what I hope for
And I turn my back on loving you
How can this love be a good thing
And I know what I'm going through

In my head there's only you now
This world falls on me
In this world there's real and make believe
And this seems real to me
And you love me but you don't know who I am
I'm torn between this life I lead and where I stand
And you love me but you don't know who I am
So let me go, just let me go, let me go

And no matter how hard I try
I can't escape these things inside
I know, I know
But all the pieces fall apart
You will be the only one who knows, who knows

You love me but you don't know who I am
I'm torn between this life I lead and where I stand
And you love me but you don't know who I am
So let me go, just let me go
(you don't know)
You love me but you don't 
You love me but you don't 
(you don't know)
You love me but you don't know who I am
(you don't know)
You love me but you don't 
You love me but you don't 
(you don't know)
You love me but you don't know me 

*sigh*

random things

Hai strangers, apa kabar ? Untuk kesekian kalinya gue bilang : gue benci untuk disakiti dan menyakiti. Ini bukan tentang gue dan cowo gue, yea. Ini tentang kehidupan. Realistis aja kalo manusia ini kadang engga bisa nyantai. Buat calm down aja kayaknya susah banget. Oh iya satu hal lagi : diskriminasi. Benci dan membenci itu kayaknya hal biasa banget dalam kehidupan. Lo pernah ga perhatiin sekitar lo, kalo misalnya temen lo ( A ) dan temen lo yang lain ( B ) bercanda dan candaannya itu kelewatan, tapi si B ga marah sm si A. Justru candaannya itu jadi bahan tertawaan. Nah, sekarang coba gantian lo yang gantian becandain. Apa yang terjadi ? kadang malah jadi sewot dan ga nyantai abis. Nyebelin ! Apa yang salah sama diri kita ya ? Kalo menurut analisa gue ya, nyantai dan ga nyantainya seseorang itu berpengaruh sama benci ga bencinya orang sama kita. Sakit hati banget ya kalo udah begitu. Tapi mau gimana lagi ? Dari orang - orang yang hidup didunia ini kita kan ga bisa maksain mereka buat suka sama kita. Jalan satu - satunya yaaaa.... kita nahan hati aja. Sabar. Hmmhh... Yaudahlah, gue udah stuck mau nulis apa lagi. Semoga postingan gw selanjutnya gw bisa lebih nyantai dan berbobot. 

 

 see ya